Sunday Jun 13, 2010 indeed was a really fun day.  Myself and couple friends drove over to Buffalo for a whole day of shopping and sharing.  To be more specific, my friend introduced 2 of her friends to me and all 4 girls went to a road trip......the entire trip was tiring, but was so much fun.  I barely know these girls, but they are so nice  and so welcoming that I felt I've known them for a while......the trip and our talk was very comfortable.  I enjoyed it alot.  The actual distance to Buffalo wasn't alot, but it took us 3+ hours to be there...the reason for that cuz we stopped by a McDonald's to have breakfast, and we stayed there for an hour chatting....girls talk can really last haha

Upon arriving at Buffalo, we went directly to the closest outlet malls...can't recall the name....the first thing I bought was a Burberry scarf...yay, finally got my scarf, although its not the color I wanted it, but it was the same style, so its ok...it was quite pricey, but still worth it.  Wandering through the mall, there were so many things that I wanted to buy, but we weren't lacking time, therefore we had to choose the most wanted stores.  After an hour and half, we drove over to another mall...Walden Galleria...this isn't an outlet mall, but I was able to get what I wanted which was also the main purpose of my trip, my Canon SX210 IS.  I also bought a pair of converse and some clothing.  After shopping, we went to The Cheesecake Factory and bought a whole deal of cheesecakes, they were so yummy.  Later we drove back to Toronto, went out for dinner and went to a friend's house to mj till 2ish am.  

It was so much fun, these guys are awesome, they are fun to be around, comfortable to hang out with and very nice and easy going.  I felt very comfortable being around them and had so much fun.   I haven't had a fun day like that in ages.  I really like this kind of lifestyle....work hard, play hard....after a fun weekend, it sort of recharges you and encourages you to work harder....its a de-stresser.

I used to have those days before, but don't know why, out of a sudden, its just disappeared.  Friends are not hanging out anymore, life is becoming dull, there's not looking foward to weekends, as it makes no difference to weekdays whatsoever....life is becoming really boring.  I really envy these people that get to hang out every single weekend for dinner and/or gathering...I think that's how life should be.  Entertainment and work should be balanced.  Human interaction is a must for all human beings...we are all social creatures :)

Today, something very interesting crossed my mind; Maslow's piramid of needs.  This hierarchy resembles human beings; and I'm no exception.  I still remember my high school years.  I was new to Canada, not knowing anything/anyone; everything was so unfamiliar to me; so foreign.  At that time, my main goal was to earn my living.  I was living by myself, therefore every single penny needed to be earned.  I knew since then that in order to have a better future, I needed to go back to school.  Back then, I wasn't a Canadian citizen yet, therefore, I could only afford college tuition.  I struggled to work full time and attend college full time(80% course load) and finally accomplished a college diploma 4.5 years later.  To me, that represents a big accomplishment.  Those four and half year were my best and yet worst years.  Best because I've always liked school.  I always think everyone is equally smart if they are willing to try.  Only lazy people are what so called dumb.  Despite the toughness of working full time and going to school full time, I enjoyed school to the fullness.  Every week I had to work 60+ hours.  Besides from work time and school time, I barely had time to sleep; not even to mention homework, cuz I rarely did any.  And I think this is why I love to sleep so much nowadays hehehe, on average, I sleep about 9 hours daily.  That's quite a bit for an adult.   At this point, level one and two of the piramid has been met.  This is quite funny, but its real...Maslow enclosed the following in the first level of the piramid: breathing, homeostasis, water, sleep, food, excretion, SEX, clothing and shelter.  I guess SEX is as important as water or food...what so called "D-needs".  Level two refers to safety, therefore my need for a stable job and better future came into place when I decided to attend college.  Level three, "Love/Belonging".  Sometimes, this is so hard to distinguish its level, because I know that this, for some, belongs to level 2. e.g someone willing to give its life for their love ones.  Meaning, some people are willing to sacrifice their safety for love.  Two years ago, B gor gor's friend was using her life to threathen him.  She was willing to give up her life if she couldn't date B gor gor.  Thanks God nothing happened and she is still sound and save.  I couldn't understand why.  It didn't satisfy Maslow's hierarchy.  It didn't satisfy the natural needs of human being.  I consider myself a very lucky person.  My needs up to this point still follows Maslow's hierarchy.  Level three of Love/Belonging were satisfied in the right order.   Next level in the piramid is Self-esteem.  I think currently, I'm at this level....or between this and Self-actualization.  Well, some and not all.  I think level 3 is a long stage in life...seeking for confidence, achievement, respect etc.  confidence and respect needs to be built up.  You can possess confidence at this point and yet loose it on the next min.  The same happens with respect.  Or you can loose confidence in life as in Self-actualization and realize that you are no longer in control of life, then you seek spiritual being.  I also have to mention between Self-esteem and Self-actualization, there are also cognitive needs and aethetic needs.  The needs for knowledge and beauty.   I seem to be crossing the needs of these last couple levels.  I'm seeking for confidence and achievement and respect, but I'm also seeking for knowledge and beauty. Yet I'm also seeking for spiritual belief, because I've always known that as human being we are in not control of live.  I accept that facts that one day, anytime from this moment onward, we'll be gone and all those needs/accomplishments we have achieved has no meaning anymore.  Two days ago, I woke up with a big pain on my right neck.  I couldn't move my head to the right, cuz the pain was so sharp that it hurts even tilting it foward.  The next day, the pain got worst.  My left side of the neck started to hurt.  This time, I couldn't move my head to neither way.  Everytime I need to move my head, I needed to move my entire body.  And even doing that, it still hurt.  I was very worried.  I know Dr. Hui's friend died of cancer couple years ago.  His first symptoms were sharp pain on his back and spinal cord.  He was dianogsed with the last stage of spinal cord cancer and died couple months later.  When you are ill, nothing has value anymore.  Achievements, respect, beauty, knowledge....nothing matters anymore.  These two days, aside from the pain, I realized so many things.  Life is so fragile.  You can be gone any minute., because nobody has control over live.  Like the beauty sunset over my windows.  It was so sharp, so charm, but gone so fast.  I couldnt' do anything to stop it from sunseting.  That's how life is.....life is so charming, so precious, so beautiful, but doesn't last forever.  This made me appreciate it even more.....and enjoy it to the fullest....the way how I enjoyed the sunset that only lasted 6 mins.  Life is full of tresures and surprises and I'm using my entire lifetime to discover them.

Work has been a bit stressful lately.  I usually don't get stressed easily, but for some reason, this project was able to do it.  I think my team lead caused my stress, because he is.  Both my senior and team tead are working very hard and are very stressed over this project.  My senior is always working late... and I really mean late....10pm...11pm.  My team lead??? he's even worst, I sometimes see him online at 1am, 2am and get emails from him the next morning 7am...I wonder if he even sleeps.  Noticing these things, I want to be somehow helpful.  We are a team, therefore I have the responsibility to relief some of their frustration.  I am working harder than I used to, and longer hours in order to get over this project.  I don't want to have both top guys working like crazy and me not doing anything.  That makes me feel useless.  I think at this stage, we are in a "ok" shape.  I just want to get this project over and move on to new projects.  Although this project has been a mess, I have learned sooo much from it.  My knowledge has taken a big step forward.

My courses are starting next Monday, and I still haven't received any admission letters.  Well, in this case, I'll take my chances.  Although I have the confidence they'll take me, but who knows, they might come up with excuses that I am missing this and that course blah blah.....if it comes to worst, I'll just loose my tuition.  No big deal...I guess! I can afford to loose the money, but can't afford to loose my hope to get a degree.  God bless me.

Someone said, "a woman will give up the world for a man, a man will give up a woman for the world", I think it totally makes sense. So no matter how much people are trying to fight for equality among men and women, we can NEVER be equal because of pure natural reasons....we are borned to be different.  We have a totally different mind set, diff perspective, diff view....that being said, I still feel proud to be a woman...  Being borned in a traditional chinese family, I'm very used to how boys are ALWAYS preferred over girls.   I was borned in China and due to the single child rule there, my parents decided to leave the country...for the only reason that I am a girl...and they wanted a boy. 20yrs after leaving the country, I now have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.....LOL...I feel so proud of my mom!  My mom, Mrs. Chen  is a great mom.  She loves kids.  Having 5 kids these days is not an easy task at all.  She managed to do it....It cost about $204,060 to raise a child nowadays. It's really not an easy task!  Aside from the financial matter, we still have to take into consideration the time needed to educate him/her.  And for me, being a girl borned in a very traditional chinese family, and about to get married to a super traditional chinese family, the pressure of getting a boy is intense.  They always make it the women's fault if she gives birth to a girl.  I remember when my mom gave birth to my 4th sister....she cried.  She was expecting a boy then, but it turned out to be a girl.  My bf's mom, when she was pregnant of him, she was so worried that she's bearing a girl....until he was borned.  I can't imagine how she made it through those 10mths pregnacy with all those pressures and worries.  On one of the conversation I had with her was the following:
bf's mom: you guys should get married soon...it not too good to have babies at old age
me: yeah, I agree, but its ok, I'm just planning to have one child, so it doesn't matter
bf's mom: one? no way....at LEAST 2, and one of them should be a boy
me: eh?? y does it have to be a boy? I don't mind the sex, as long as its my child
bf's mom: no no no, it does matter.....its very important to have a boy in our family
me: what if its a girl?
bf's mom: hmm....try for another one...
me: what if the 2nd one is still a girl?
bf's mom: try again...

LOL....$204,060 * ? = ?  how many times can I try or afford to try? haha...yeah, I am a web developer, and currently making a decent income, but how much time I can afford to spend on my kids?  I think I know that better than anyone.  I'm not having a kid just because I need to, but because I want to.  A child is not a LV or Gucci, where I gotta have cuz others have.   I feel so lucky cuz I grew up in Toronto, and don't tend to follow any traditions.  I don't want to argue with anyone, cuz after all, this is my life....I don't need anyone to tell me how many kids I need to have.  That being said, I still feel proud to be a girl.  Well, I should say that I feel very lucky to be me.  I've had luck most of my life.  I got the most caring and loved parents in the world, I've had very good luck in my career so far(I've worked very hard for it though), I have a very caring guy that loves and treats me right(although he's not perfect, but I still think he's the best), I've got a bunch of great and trustable friends....what else can I ask?  God has given me a lot of challenges, but he has give me even more blessings.  Every obstacle in life, makes me stronger, every wrong makes me righter, every forgiveness makes me grow, every regret makes me love.  Every steps in my past built who I am today.  So, regardless the diff between men and women, I still feel proud to be who I am.